Hello and welcome to my new column, Patent Office. Periodically I will post possible projects, present hypotheses, and parse the impenetrable. The Patent Office will act as an outlet for incubating ideas that are not pressing enough for me to devote real, quality braintime to right now — but hopefully I’ll get around to everything, [...]

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Thinking of the siren and its introduction as an instrument in Western music – the internet points me towards Edgard Varèse’s Ionisation (MP3 – totally safe to blast on work stereos!). All percussion and two sirens, one siren high and siren low. An instrument that exposes all notes along an assigned scale, but without singularity [...]

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A certain man who was learning to shoot a bow aimed at the target with two arrows in his hand. His teacher said, “A beginner should not hold two arrows. It will make him rely on the second arrow and be careless with the first. Each time you shoot you should think not of hitting [...]

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Today’s fancy soda was provided by Holly. It is called “Natural Brew Hand Crafted Ginseng Cola”. The subtitle reads “An invigorating cola made with Chinese Panax Ginseng” and it really is just that, an invigorating cola. Like all our fancy sodas, it is made without corn syrup. I once went to school in a small [...]

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In this photograph, Andrew Sloat is seen posing with brownies. In his other hand, he holds a photograph in which he’s seen posing with life-size recycling bins. He is happy, so happy. This is his special place.

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Today we’re going to eat food from Rice, a restaurant in Dumbo. Let’s break it down before I call to put in the order, otherwise I’d get on the phone and immediately forget who wants what.
Allman: Mexican chicken soup with two tamales. Tamale A is chicken with tomatillo sauce. Tamale B is chicken mole.
Morton: Thai [...]

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